Just Another Week In Paradise

Ever have one of those days where everything goes wrong? Of course you have, everyone has. However, I had one of those days that stretched into a week that everything goes wrong. I had a few breakdowns - most of them were justifiable. However that seems to be the regular norm.

I've been trying to have a positive attitude and pray about it. This week I read through Psalms and I was really encouraged. It seemed to uplift me, even when I felt like I was drowning in disparity. And of course, I cannot withhold thanks from my parents and grandparents - they are a solid foundation of support. They always find something encouraging to say to me, even when I'm at my lowest. I thank God for them everyday that he has put them in my life. How blessed am I. The four wisest people I know are my pillars of strength.

Anyway, as I think back on the week, I honestly cannot remember anything that happened. I feel like time blurs together and I get amnesia. Perhaps its better that way. However, I distinctly remember Friday. If you were in my classroom, you'd remember too. It was a war zone. The students were at each other's throats. In a nutshell, here's what happened.

• Two of the girls started a rumor that another one of my student's had fleas. There was lots of tears and arguments over that.
• Every time I started a lesson, one of my boys busted out (multiple times) in the chicken dance - which threw off every lesson I had.
• Two boys were wrestling for fun during break time and it turned into a fist fight. A third boy thought he accidentally started the fight (which is strange) and so he hid and we searched all over school for a half hour to find him.
• One boy decided it would be funny to pull chairs out from people while they were attempting to sit - resulting in many crying kids.
• An email was sent informing us that in two hours a document was due (two hours when I had to teach). The document was given to me a half hour AFTER I got the email.
• On a dare, one of my boys ate a whole piece of paper. He thought it was tasty and so I had to stop him from eating every piece of paper in sight. That same boy was mad that I took away all his paper so he spit on a girl's poster.
• One of my boys drew "boy parts" and "girl parts" on his picture and proceeded to explain (in explicit detail) to one of the girls (who happens to be a staff kid) what they meant and did.

Oh yes, it was a LOVELY day! As I think back on it all, I can't help but laugh. At the time, I wasn't laughing. Oh no, the kids saw the wrath of Ms. Marie - several times.

But Friday ended on a positive note. One of my struggling students had worked so hard. He was dedicated to everything he started (which is VERY unlike him). I'm usually chasing him down and making new copies for him. He has a rough home life - really rough. Starting last Monday, I decided I'd make him my personal project this year. He is quite neglected by his parents, and so I want to show him as much teacherly and motherly love as possible. He needs it, he just feels so worthless much of the time. Anyway, he was dedicated to everything he did and finished it. At the end of the day, when all the kids had gone home, I gave him this huge sticker that says "Stellar Student" and told him I've never been more proud of him than this week. He lit up like a string of Christmas lights. He started crying and said, "Ms. Marie, no one's ever told me they were proud of me before. I wish someone at home would tell me that." Then he gave me a big hug and ran out. It melted my heart.

Even despite the fact that my week seemed to be going to hell in a handbag, Nathan was my saving grace. Even if I have the worst year ever of teaching, if I can reach out to him and be successful, I will have had a productive year.

As this weekend comes to a close, I find excitement that Idul Fitri holiday is just around the corner - less than two weeks. I've never needed a holiday more than right now - and school just started! So from now until then, I'll take one day at a time (one hour at a time - if needed). I'll make it to the finish line. I have to, I must!

A Swing Towards Positive

It's been a little over a week and things are starting to look up. It was a rough start to this new academic year. I felt like I was drowning and everyone/everything seemed to beat me over the head. I am so thankful for my grandparents and my mother for getting me through this rough patch. Through their prayers and encouragement, I was finally able to get a new perspective and a burden lifted. God has been so good this past week.

My grandpa sent me an email with the verse Philippians 4:13. I'm sure most of you are familiar with this verse and know it by heart. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." It seems like such an simple verse, but I have definitely taken it for granted.

I woke up every morning and recited the verse. I can do anything - anything, when Christ is by my side.

Things in the classroom and with administration seemed to cool down and I felt as if I could finally set out for what I yearned for - to teach and be fully devoted to my students and coworkers.

This week I started (and finished) a book called "Tuesdays With Morrie." It's a fantastic book, and for all of you who have never read it - this is a must read. It's a book that tells about a dying professor who has Lou Gehrig's disease. He is reunited with one of his former students and they meet every week to talk about life and the issues they face. There were two particular things that struck me, and have resonated in my ears all week.

The first thing Morrie talked about was how it is important to limit self-pity. Set aside a small bit of time, if needed - but when your reflecting is done, don't turn back to it. Self-pity only brings you down and there's really nothing you can do, especially when change/outcome is inevitable. You cannot spend your life in mourning, but rather approach it with joy and exuberance.

The next thing that he said was "You learn to live when you learn to die." Death is something that we know will eventually happen to all of us - but at the same time, we take life for granted. Morrie talks about how, if you consider this may be your last day on earth, you will do things differently. If you are a teacher - you will teach differently, knowing that it may be your last chance to make an impact on your students. Earthly things don't mean anything, but relationships with God, your family, friends, and even strangers are what bring importance to your life.

The last few days, before I drove to school, I said to myself: "If today was my last day - what would I do differently." As I dwell on this throughout the day, I find myself more patient, smiley, and upbeat. When God calls me home (and that may be tonight, tomorrow, next month, next year, or even in decades from now), I don't want to have taken my last day for granted. I want to go out with a bang - imprinting my passion and love to all who I interact with (even to those extra-grace required people, as my mom would put it).

Anyway, with the support from my family, countless prayers, and an insight from this book, I pushed the "restart" button for my year. I want this year to be memorable and joyous like the previous one. And it is only through Christ who gives me strength, that I will be able to do so.