However, since being here, I feel like I've stepped up my game and stared my fears in the face until they are conquered. Last month I killed a beastly scorpion that stung my cat (although I admit slamming it with an art canvas was not the most graceful way to kill it - but then again - is there a graceful way to kill a scorpion?). For the last two months I've been living in a ginormous house by myself. I used to dread being by myself (what if I pass out and no one's there? what if someone breaks in my house and tries to kill me?). And yet, these thoughts have seem to fly away like dust behind a moving vehicle.
Tonight I faced my greatest fear: the power going out. Yes, I admit, I am afraid of the dark. Every shadow makes me jumpy and kick starts my imagination. It didn't help that there was a booming storm outside. My concrete walls were trembling with the thunder and I could see the lightning bolts in my backyard (and that is not an over-exaggeration). It's a good thing I bought some tea lights a few weeks back for my burning oil.
Immediately I pulled them out and placed them in glasses (might as well be precautionary considering I am not the most graceful person on the planet). I strategically placed them all over my bedroom (barricading myself in a confined place) and surprisingly found a sense of peace. The power stayed out for a good 3 hours and by the time it came back on, I decided to bask in the candle light a little longer.
I guess sooner or later you have to face your greatest fears. I always used to think that if I was faced with a disaster I would neither fight nor flight, but freeze, but now that I think about it - I guess I might be a fighter. Running away from a problem or a fear only intensifies it.
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